For your entertainment/listening pleasure (and what an appropriate song for this rant...)
When hubs and I got married, we were well aware of the fact that issues would arise with his family and that we'd need to take each day in stride. I never however, foresaw any problems or issues that would escalate to the level that it has recently reached.
If you've read past posts of mine, you'd know that both hubs dad and my dad passed away within years of each other and while my mom found a way to handle her grief and move forward, hubs mother did not. She is very much stuck in the past, as is his sister which makes everything (and I seriously mean everything) more difficult. Everything is a big deal to them, holidays, get togethers, parties, things that they never made a big deal of before we were married. Every decision we make is a big deal to them. Every comment we make, every move we make - huge deal. Anything we do or say has been met with criticism which has been completely unwarranted (and I'm speaking as unbiasedly as I possibly can). They constantly state that any argument or issue we run into would never happen if their son/brother wasn't married, and had never happened previous to being married (well, duh!) but they use this argument to blame and get digs in at me pretty regularly. I'm blamed, indirectly and directly at times, for most problems that arise between us.
We've been told that we're selfish and that we have been since planning the wedding (over a year later) and we've been told that we need to stop trying to make everyone happy. Oxymoron much? I've recently been called classless and have been told that I lack manners and my upbringing has even been called into question. They are unhappy with any decision we make and for the most part we've chosen not to share everything with them in order to avoid any backlash which we are more than sure we'd receive - isn't that sad? It feels as though we/I can do nothing right in their eyes, no matter how perfect a daughter in law and sister in law I try to be. They are some of the most difficult people you'd ever come in contact with. They criticize and they complain and if something doesn't go their way they'll let you know about it and find a way to blame you for it. These recent accusations and comments about my behavior have been so extremely hurtful to me as they've been said in order to be hurtful and not because there is any truth behind it. It feels at times like they are trying to put me in my place somehow, or the place they'd like me to be, and have even told hubs that he needs to explain to me what kind of behavior is appropriate for their family. Now, I can assure you that I've been raised with manners and class and that my behavior is far from inappropriate and disrespectful, especially as it related to my husband and to his family. What I believe the problem to be, is that they cannot handle the fact that their son/brother is married and can/will no longer be forced to do what they want, nor will he jump when they tell him to - this is what they are used to - always getting their way. We now have our own family to consider and for some reason they aren't capable of being respectful of that. Hubs sister (older and not married) has even lectured us on the things that we need to work on in our marriage as if she has years and years of experience and expertise.
I've reached my limit. At this point, I am not on speaking terms with his sister as she has said the most hurtful things I've ever had said about me. Never have I had problems with someone as serious as this, never have I not gotten along with someone. It's beyond my comprehension. This post doesn't really even begin to explain the severity of the situation. We've considered counseling to figure out a better or more correct way to deal with his family. There are many underlying issues that we will not be able to help them with and we believe that his sister is suffering from a severe personality disorder that makes her extremely difficult to interact with. (If you want to know more about the disorder, google: narcissistic personality disorder - it describes her to a T).
It is certainly a troubling situation and we can only see it getting worse when his sister gets married (she isn't engaged yet) and as kids enter the picture. We know that our decision to have a baby will be met with much criticism from them - especially his mother who seems to think we are too young to be married (we are both 27). We foresee his sister getting extremely upset when we do get pregnant, especially if she isn't even engaged, as she has stated on more than one occasion that we need to wait until she is married to have kids so that our kids can grow up together (I can assure you she did not say this to be cute/funny). Then there will be the issue of raising kids - I'm sure in their eyes I won't raise them correctly. I'm sure that they will constantly be on my back about how I should be raising them and I'm sure they won't be shy about sharing their thoughts on what I should/shouldn't be eating when I'm pregnant, how long you should breast feed, how often they should get to see the baby, etc.
It's never going to stop. I get so excited thinking about the day that I get pregnant - which is exactly how a woman should feel but that excitement is cut short when I think about the reaction we'll receive from his mother and sister. It's sad that I will be made to feel like I've done something wrong - that they don't approve of the timing of my pregnancy and that they think I've forced my husband into something he wasn't ready for (no matter when it happens, I can assure you that this is what they will be thinking and I'm more than certain they will voice this concern).
I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm nervous constantly. I'm hurt. And, I feel absolutely horrible for my hubby who has been forced into such a horrible situation. I don't want to force him to choose between them and me and he shouldn't have to - but we are honestly at a loss for how to handle his family. It's exhausting to be honest
If anyone has any ideas or has dealt with anything similar to what I'm describing, please please please respond to this post. I need all the help I can get at this point.
