Hubs and I determined that it'd be best if we started discussing the holidays with our families early in an attempt to avoid some issues we knew would arise, and set plans in advance so that last minute decisions wouldn't have to be made.
This plan has apparently backfired.
Instead of asking if we could figure out plans for holidays we should have just stated what our plans were. Last year we spent Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his family, so, to keep it fair, this year we'd rotate and spend Thanksgiving with hubs family and Christmas with my family. Well apparently hubs sister had different plans in mind which involved us spending Christmas again with their family (because it worked with her schedule and her boyfriends schedule). She told us that this would work best for her (because it's always about her) and then proceeded to tell hubs mother who obviously is thrilled.
Last night we received a somewhat nasty email (after we stated that to be fair we'd do the opposite of what we did last year) saying that she doesn't understand why it would be a big deal to do the same thing as last year and that it would be great for them all to be together for Christmas. (well, duh! what mother wouldn't want that?!)
Quick side notes: Both of our fathers have passed away, my mother re-married, hubs mother has not, and lives alone. She is very jealous and acts like a martyr when she spends weekends alone or when she cooks a meal for us. She had Christmas dinner for us last year and even after I offered to bring something or help her with the cooking, she complained that no one cut her any slack or helped her and that she works hard during the week and then had to make Christmas dinner. Sigh.... now maybe you see what I'm working with here...
Hubs and I are trying to stick to our guns and do the opposite of what we did last year, because honestly, it's only fair! It's my family's turn to spend Christmas with us. That's just the way it has to be! Right?
Does anyone have any experience with these issues? I used to love the holidays but now I'm not so sure. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We thought we were being fair but now we're being criticized for not compromising!
If you've read past posts of mine you'd know a little more about my SIL. She was able to get her way during my wedding, mostly because I didn't want to create (even though she was the one creating) any drama. ie. I wanted tea length dresses and because she didn't like her calves (ugh) she convinced me to choose longer bridesmaids dresses.
Please help! How do you divvy up the holidays?
I'm sorry they are trying to push you into what suits them. :(
ReplyDeleteWe live very close to both our families, we do Christmas Eve with my family and normally Christmas Morning. Then we spend almost the entire afternoon and evening of Christmas day at his parents and have dinner.
Yeah, this year my Fiance and I are spending thanksgiving at our place and invited his single sister to come and spend time with us. Since she lives with his other sister and brother in law and their two children (it's complicated) and they're going to brother in law's family, we didn't want her to be alone. Their parents are traveling to the other side of the U.S. to spend time with Fiance's grandfather for thanksgiving. For Christmas, I'm spending it alone due to work commitments and Fiance is going up with his entire family to spend it with his grandmother (they always spend like 8 days with her). Good luck convincing your mother-in-law. I know how they act...
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