live a little!

I did a lot of thinking sitting on the beach staring out at the waves. A lot of reading and a lot of thinking. The two books I read (yes, I actually started and finished 2 books - miracle I tell you) on vacation sort of hit home in a way and helped me make some realizations regarding my life. Reading the books made me realize that I've, too often, allowed other people dictate how I felt, thought, wanted to look, etc. whether subconsciously or not. I feel like it's been an inner struggle, for lack of a better word, to figure out who I am or who I want to be. I've always looked at what other people were wearing, how other people were acting, what everyone else was talking about, and what other people were doing. I felt like, in a way, I had to conform to some set of rules or guidelines in order to feel like I fit in and figure out who I was - and in doing so, I didn't take as much time as I should have to look around, take it all in and enjoy life a little.

The first book I read, "Pretty in Plaid" made me realize that there is much more to life than "fitting in" or conforming to any one thing and that the key to happiness is simply being yourself, not trying to "keep up with the Joneses" and by letting yourself live a little! The book is written by an absolutely hilarious woman who has documented and recounted her life, the ups and downs and in betweens, her jobs, her college experiences, her issues with weight, by what she was wearing. She describes how she felt in particular articles of clothing, what the clothes meant to her, and how other people reacted to what she was wearing and while it seemed that she let others dictate somewhat, things she bought (buying a Coach purse because other sorority rushees did), how she acted, etc., it was evident that during each and every step she was able to fully embrace who she was and simply allowed herself to be happy and enjoy life. What resonated with me was what a strong individual she was. Early on she knew who she was and she didn't let anything get in her way or affect what kind of person she wanted to become. She didn't let others define her. She lived, loved and laughed and was a better person for it!

The second book, "The Book of Awesome" is a series of 1-2 page stories or descriptions about things in life that are just plain awesome! This couldn't have been a more perfect book to read after "Pretty in Plaid". Where "Pretty in Plaid" made me realize that I need to live a little and laugh a lot more, "The Book of Awesome" gave me the opportunity to actually step back and smell the roses, to realize that it really is the little things in life that make it all worthwhile, and that what other people think, say, or do, shouldn't matter. What matters really is the little things and it's the little things that make you the happiest! The cold side of the pillow, the feeling of your feet in the sand, the smell of gasoline, a freshly opened jar of peanut butter. These are the things that matter. These are things that make us the happiest. I think I've unfortunately taken these things for granted. I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to realize the importance of these little things in my life. I've gotten so caught up in the details, trying to make sure my house is clean and my car loan is paid on time that I've forgotten to find happiness in the little things.

All in all, pretty eye-opening vacation. I learned a lot about myself in a matter of days just by slowing down, taking a look around and simply living a little!

everyone's doing it! (no pun intended)

Everywhere I look, I see babies. Friends are having babies left and right. Baby bumps are showing up in facebook statuses almost daily and “Baby at 3 months”, “Baby at 4 months”, “Baby at 6 months” albums flood my news feed. I receive emails from friends about baby showers, name suggestions and dilation measurements and questions from family and friends about when we think we’ll have children. It takes all I have each day to not think about how much I want a baby.

All my life, I’ve felt the tug of peer pressure. Nothing too major or overly serious like jumping off bridges or skipping school. More like a tug to “keep up with the Joneses”. A few years ago two friends of ours got married. They were the first, but certainly not the last. Their wedding set the ball rolling for couple after couple to get engaged and married and within a matter of a few years it seemed that each of our friends had joined the club. The feeling that” everyone’s doing it” seems to fuel the urge to be the first or the next and seems ever present in the battle of the bump, at least from where I’m standing. After all, first comes love, then comes marriage then comes… that’s right, the baby carriage.

My husband and I have always seemed to take things rather slow… some of it has been purposely whether we had spoken about it or not, and some of it has been pressure from family I’m sure, but, it was years 9 years before we lived with each other and 10 years before he placed a ring on my finger (to be fair, we started dating when we were 16). My husband and I always seemed to have different goals and ideas for our future than our friends, not that they weren’t interested in being successful or traveling the world, but they seemed quick to finish school and “start their lives”, get married, buy a house, get a dog, etc. We, on the other hand, decided to continue on to graduate school, both graduating with Master’s degrees and therefore, “starting our lives” and buying a dog a bit later than the others. You’ve probably guessed by now – we were one of the last couples to get married.

I’ve always felt behind in a way when I’ve looked at the lives of our friends – perfectly decorated houses, nice cars, and baby on the way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely thrilled and couldn’t be happier for them, but I often have to remind myself that it’s not a race, that everything happens for a reason and that things will happen when it’s time. What I’ve recently started to realize, is that when it does happen, when we do have our first child, it will be perfect because it will be how and when we want it to happen and not just because everyone else was doing it.