who died and made you king of anything?

Let me just begin by saying that I've reached the boiling point and I'm beyond fed up. I've tried to avoid using my blog as a place to vent, in case family members happen to read it (I haven't openly shared it with close friends/relatives but it is a public forum...) but I think I need some feedback from unbiased sources. I apologize in advance for all the ranting and raving of which I'm sure this post will consist...

For your entertainment/listening pleasure (and what an appropriate song for this rant...)

When hubs and I got married, we were well aware of the fact that issues would arise with his family and that we'd need to take each day in stride. I never however, foresaw any problems or issues that would escalate to the level that it has recently reached.

If you've read past posts of mine, you'd know that both hubs dad and my dad passed away within years of each other and while my mom found a way to handle her grief and move forward, hubs mother did not. She is very much stuck in the past, as is his sister which makes everything (and I seriously mean everything) more difficult. Everything is a big deal to them, holidays, get togethers, parties, things that they never made a big deal of before we were married. Every decision we make is a big deal to them. Every comment we make, every move we make - huge deal. Anything we do or say has been met with criticism which has been completely unwarranted (and I'm speaking as unbiasedly as I possibly can). They constantly state that any argument or issue we run into would never happen if their son/brother wasn't married, and had never happened previous to being married (well, duh!) but they use this argument to blame and get digs in at me pretty regularly. I'm blamed, indirectly and directly at times, for most problems that arise between us.

We've been told that we're selfish and that we have been since planning the wedding (over a year later) and we've been told that we need to stop trying to make everyone happy. Oxymoron much? I've recently been called classless and have been told that I lack manners and my upbringing has even been called into question. They are unhappy with any decision we make and for the most part we've chosen not to share everything with them in order to avoid any backlash which we are more than sure we'd receive - isn't that sad? It feels as though we/I can do nothing right in their eyes, no matter how perfect a daughter in law and sister in law I try to be. They are some of the most difficult people you'd ever come in contact with. They criticize and they complain and if something doesn't go their way they'll let you know about it and find a way to blame you for it. These recent accusations and comments about my behavior have been so extremely hurtful to me as they've been said in order to be hurtful and not because there is any truth behind it. It feels at times like they are trying to put me in my place somehow, or the place they'd like me to be, and have even told hubs that he needs to explain to me what kind of behavior is appropriate for their family. Now, I can assure you that I've been raised with manners and class and that my behavior is far from inappropriate and disrespectful, especially as it related to my husband and to his family. What I believe the problem to be, is that they cannot handle the fact that their son/brother is married and can/will no longer be forced to do what they want, nor will he jump when they tell him to - this is what they are used to - always getting their way. We now have our own family to consider and for some reason they aren't capable of being respectful of that. Hubs sister (older and not married) has even lectured us on the things that we need to work on in our marriage as if she has years and years of experience and expertise.

I've reached my limit. At this point, I am not on speaking terms with his sister as she has said the most hurtful things I've ever had said about me. Never have I had problems with someone as serious as this, never have I not gotten along with someone. It's beyond my comprehension. This post doesn't really even begin to explain the severity of the situation. We've considered counseling to figure out a better or more correct way to deal with his family. There are many underlying issues that we will not be able to help them with and we believe that his sister is suffering from a severe personality disorder that makes her extremely difficult to interact with. (If you want to know more about the disorder, google: narcissistic personality disorder - it describes her to a T).

It is certainly a troubling situation and we can only see it getting worse when his sister gets married (she isn't engaged yet) and as kids enter the picture. We know that our decision to have a baby will be met with much criticism from them - especially his mother who seems to think we are too young to be married (we are both 27). We foresee his sister getting extremely upset when we do get pregnant, especially if she isn't even engaged, as she has stated on more than one occasion that we need to wait until she is married to have kids so that our kids can grow up together (I can assure you she did not say this to be cute/funny). Then there will be the issue of raising kids - I'm sure in their eyes I won't raise them correctly. I'm sure that they will constantly be on my back about how I should be raising them and I'm sure they won't be shy about sharing their thoughts on what I should/shouldn't be eating when I'm pregnant, how long you should breast feed, how often they should get to see the baby, etc.

It's never going to stop. I get so excited thinking about the day that I get pregnant - which is exactly how a woman should feel but that excitement is cut short when I think about the reaction we'll receive from his mother and sister. It's sad that I will be made to feel like I've done something wrong - that they don't approve of the timing of my pregnancy and that they think I've forced my husband into something he wasn't ready for (no matter when it happens, I can assure you that this is what they will be thinking and I'm more than certain they will voice this concern).

I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm nervous constantly. I'm hurt. And, I feel absolutely horrible for my hubby who has been forced into such a horrible situation. I don't want to force him to choose between them and me and he shouldn't have to - but we are honestly at a loss for how to handle his family. It's exhausting to be honest

If anyone has any ideas or has dealt with anything similar to what I'm describing, please please please respond to this post. I need all the help I can get at this point.

a few of my favorite things!

Merry (late) Christmas everyone! Hope you all had an enjoyable Christmas! Mine was a little more enjoyable than I had originally anticipated with the amount of running around we. It also turned out to be much of a chore to ensure that that certain family members (read: in-laws) were kept happy to avoid any complaining (read: bitching) we've had to deal with many many times in the past. We are slowly learning how to handle situations such as these to be fair to everyone, though it never seems we're ever really fair to ourselves... (were we to put ourselves first however, we'd be accused of being selfish, rude, lacking-manners and class, etc. - this needs more explanation and will require an entire other post). All in all though, once I got a drink in my mother in-laws hand and took over in the kitchen, and wrapped all of the presents she hadn't had a chance to wrap, Christmas was as delightful as it could be. Family and friends were extremely generous and the hubs went all out! With a birthday on Christmas Eve Eve, I've accustomed to receiving bday/xmas gifts but this year it seemed like I received twice the amount and then some! Here are some of my favorite gifts from this Christmas!

Stella Watch by Fossil (I read Carrie Underwood bought this watch so I HAD to have it!)

Circles from Pottery Barn (I've wanted this for so so long but was too cheap to buy it! So excited to get it on the wall!)

Faux Fur Throw from Pottery Barn (love love love it!)

Rooster Door Mat from Pottery Barn (Ok - it was a PB Christmas apparently)

Ok well this was for the Hubs but sometimes I enjoy playing with him sometimes - nice way to get out some anger! :)

What were some of your favorite gifts?

it's the most wonderful time of the year!

Hubs and I bought our first real tree for our first real house and the sight and smell of the tree when I walk through the door seems to have a calming effect on me and is more than welcome especially after the days I've been having at work. There are needles all over the floor but I'm going to say that it's completely worth it to get a real tree and getting to go choose a tree, your tree, with your family. I think we'll do the real thing for quite a while!

In other news our dog determined it would be a good idea to completely rip up the carpet and carpet pad, down to the plywood today while we were gone. Guess he didn't like the color? I have to keep telling myself that it's not his fault - we adopted him, and he came from a puppy mill where he wasn't treated well at all. He's a sweet dog and means well but has extreme anxiety when he is separate from us. We tried something different today (now that we have the tree up) and I guess he didn't like it... hence the shredding of the carpet...

Happy Holidays everyone!

is the doc for reals?

TMI Alert. (Well, maybe not, but it may be a bit more than you care to know...) I figure that since I've determined that "this is year", I should start doing a little research to see what exactly I could be getting myself into.

Each month, for close to 14 years I've suffered severe cramps with my period. At a young age, my gynecologist put me on a birth control pill to help lessen the severity of the cramps. For a while, the birth control seemed to help and the pain was bearable however, about 4 years ago I started realizing that the pill really wasn't doing the trick anymore. My doctor prescribed a stronger pill (more expensive as well - health insurance didn't cover this pill) which also didn't provide me with the relief I hoped it would. The gynecologist had thought the cramps were a result of cysts on my ovaries - I had sonograms done, proving otherwise - and the term endometriosis was tossed around but nothing was ever conclusive.

Endometriosis (if you don't know) is a condition where the tissue that lines the inside of the uterus actually grows outside of the uterus. The body sheds the lining in the uterus each month during menstruation, but the tissue that grows outside of the uterus obviously is not shed and over time can cause issues if/when a woman tries to get pregnant.

I'm surely not ruling this out as a possible problem, though my fingers and toes are crossed that there is no problem and maybe I'm just a big cry baby with no tolerance for pain. When I say that I suffer from severe cramps though, I mean that I suffer from severe cramps. My cramps have been so extreme over the past 14 years that my mom used to give me a shot of brandy (a remedy her mother used to "cure" my mothers cramps) before going to school and I will often sip on a glass of rum/brandy/wine to take the edge off! My cramps have forced me to miss school/work at times, leave me in tears, curled in a painful ball in my bed for hours and cause me to pop advil every other hour. The cramping affects my lower back as well and not even a heating pad does the trick.

A few years ago at my annual, I again (as usual) brought up my issue with cramps. I was told that aside from the pill, surgery and an increase in Vitamin-C and iron (which I try to remember to take when I know my  monthly pal is due to arrive) that the only way to permanently lessen the pain was to get pregnant. My mother had mentioned this to me before - wishful thinking on her part, or so I thought! When my doctor spoke those words my jaw nearly hit the floor - I couldn't believe what I was hearing! (Side note: I was 22 when my doctor first mentioned this to me - so this wasn't as out of line as it might have been had I been younger!)

Since I hope to get pregnant in the next year, I decided to finally do some research on this to see if the doctor was for reals or was just pulling my leg to get out of finding another way to help me! Turns out there are many message boards and articles regarding this issue. I learned a few things in my research, that my gynecologist never really discussed with me and I'm sure I didn't learn in sex ed in middle school.

Severe uterine pain is called dysmenorrhea. There are two types, primary and secondary, primary being the common type and occurring in women who have not had children, usually disappearing after a full-term pregnancy, secondary being caused by a disease in the uterus, fallopian tubes or ovaries (endometriosis, PID, uterine fibroid tumors).

Like I said, I'm hoping I'm just a wuss, and am just not capable of handling even a little bit of pain and my fingers are crossed that I don't suffer from secondary dysmenorrhea. I guess only time will tell and if we run into any issues we'll cross that bridge when we get there. For the time being, I want to continue to learn all I can to ensure that things go as smoothly as they possibly can... at least the things that are in my control.

this is the year.

This is the year. I can feel it... or I think I can feel it. I'm hoping it's the year. The hubs and I have spoken quite a bit about the B word this past month. He's gotten slightly more comfortable discussing it though I think it's probably overkill for me to bring it up every day. I don't mean to, but it happens. I see an etrade commercial with the talking babies or our neighbors walking their baby around the neighborhood and I can't help but think about what it would be like to have one of our own. A friend of ours just posted belly shots on facebook and another friend went into labor last night. We're babysitting another friends newborn next weekend, I'm attending a baby shower the following weekend, and two of my cousins are pregnant, due around the same time. Needless to say, there are babies everywhere I turn.

This is the year. We're not getting any younger, I know we're not that old to begin with, but we're not getting any younger! I'm ready. I can feel it, mentally and emotionally that is, physically... well, that's another story. I'm not where I hope to be weight-wise (I hope to be 20lbs less when it happens) when I get pregnant knowing how much on average a woman gains when pregnant but I'll get there before it's time to start trying. I'm certainly emotionally ready. In the past I've felt pangs of anxiousness and nervousness at the thought of having a baby and though those emotions will never completely disappear, I've never felt so calm and ready. Sure it's a big change. Sure it's demanding, but I'm ready.

Is a guy ever ready though? Very rarely do I hear someone say that their husband is ready for a baby but they aren't. More often than not, it's the woman pushing for a child and the man constantly resisting. Hubs isn't so much resisting as he is trying to push it off into the unforeseeable future. It doesn't help that his mother continues to state her opinion that we are too young (we are both 27 - she had her first when she was 27...). Sticking to my timeline, we will have been married 2.5 years and we'll both be 28 by the time baby number one arrives. This feels really comfortable to me in that we didn't rush into having a baby (the hubs couldn't rush into anything if he tried... 10 years of dating before popping the question...), we enjoyed 2.5 years of wedded bliss sans child (and doesn't the birth of a child only make the love of a family grow that much stronger and greater?) Also, by the time we're ready for #2 and #3 (hubs wants 3 mind you...) we will be around 30 and 32 which seems pretty perfect to me.

I'm filled with joy at the thought of starting a family. The nervousness and anxiousness that I feel lies with my husband. I want him to feel ready. I want him to tell me he's ready. I don't want to feel like I've pushed this onto him; that I've pushed a baby that he's not yet ready for, onto him. I'm almost certain that this would ahem, ruin the moment, you might say... the time comes (no pun intended) and all I can think is "he doesn't want this, he doesn't want this" - doesn't seem like the way things should go, if you ask me. But how do you help a man prepare himself and feel ready? Is this how the majority of men think? Do most women ignore the un-readiness of the man and just go for it when they know they are ready? I almost feel like I have to push him in order for it to ever happen. If I didn't push and I just waited for him to come around, I'm 99.9% sure that I'd be in my late 30's, early 40's before having #1, and I don't know many women who want to wait that long.

I'm ready. I hope this is the year and I hope the hubs shares the same sentiment...

bottomless (thanksgiving) pit

Fall is my absolute favorite time of the year. I love the colors, I love the warm sweaters and I love curling up with a mug of hot chocolate, but most of all, I love the food.

Lately I've been doing really well with the working out/Jillian thing. I'm seeing huge results in my stamina and my breathing while working out. My legs feel strong and controlling my breathing while running is not a problem at all. 3 mile run - easy peasy

Enter, Fall, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. Needless to say, the scale is still not my friend. All I want to do is make and eat delicious food! Here are just some of the things I've been making - much more to come, I'm sure!

a little twist on apple crisps!

sweet and salty pumpkin seeds

creamy sweet potato soup

pumpkin bread

What do you crave in the fall? What are some of your favorite fall recipes?! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

and cute to boot!

I'm not one to follow trends, clothing/style trends that is. It may be because I don't want to look like every other girl walking down the street or simply because when I try to pull off the current trend, I fail miserably which then leads me to use the excuse of not wanting to "look like everyone else."

Sigh...

Which leads me to the main reason for writing this post. I want to rock the mid-calf boot, and I want to rock the hell out of it. I've never worn a boot, let alone purchase a boot and I'm not one to spend massive amounts of money on shoes or anything for that matter; I'm certainly not a spendthrift by any stretch of the imagination. But, when I happened upon this boot, I fell in love and felt more than willing and happy to spend the 90 bones these babies cost (and yes, I'm aware that $90 is actually not much to spend on a boot, especially when I saw boots for $325, but $90 for me is significant!)

Behold, the Steve Madden Candence Boot

Pulling up to my house today I spotted the perfectly boot-sized Amazon box, quickly parked, grabbed the box and ran into the house, throwing my purse to the floor and ripping the box open in an excited frenzy. I slipped off my flats and pulled the beautiful leather over my leg only to discover that my legs need to go on a diet, or try annorexia for a little.... something! The boot fits perfectly, but a bit too perfectly. I can fit a finger or two between the boot and my leg (side note: I don't have fat calves but they are definitely muscular after all the running and shredding I've been doing) which means that a skinny jean is going to be difficult to fit into the boot, leaving me with the option of leggins.

Like I said, I rarely rock a trend (normally because I don't know how) and I've never worn a boot... so, I now own a boot, but now what do I do?! Leggins scare me but I've never worn them so maybe they aren't as scary as I think. If I wear a leggin with the boots what do I wear on top? I need some ideas!

(These looks are super cute but, not gonna lie, they are going to make me look like I'm wearing a potato sack - not the look I'm going for, fyi)

Anyone have the same issue? Do you have muscular calves that preclude you from wearing the many cute boots you see girls with toothpicks as legs prancing around in? (no offense to the toothpicks out there - I envy you more than you'll ever know). Have you found a boot that fits you perfectly? Any go-to's for sweaters/shirts/accessories/etc. to wear with boots and leggins?

What trend have you attempted recently that you were worried about, but then totally rocked it out?