I'll cry if I want to...

lI'm starting to think I'm not very good at this life thing. I thought I had gotten better at it after I finished school which was an extremely rough time and not one I really want to go into right now. I was excited to have free time. I was excited to get a job, be able to take up new hobbies, buy a house and decorate, the list goes on and on.

I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm having a mental breakdown of sorts. Recently my boss has been giving me some trouble. He's one of those types who refuses to retire but probably should have retired by now. He's forgetful, he's getting slower and he's Type A with a need to have his shakey hand in every project. Needless to say, it's been difficult dealing with him, especially lately. I'm feeling some pressure on the project I'm leading and tirelessly trying to stay on schedule, with not much help from my boss who ultimately needs sign off on what I'm doing.

So, I come home exhausted, feeling upset and defeated. I have no energy to Shred (it's been 5 days - so much for 30 day shred), I eat cereal for dinner and I look around my house and get depressed about it's current state - the bedroom wall that needs a second coat of paint, the laundry that still needs to be folded and put away, the 30 year old coffee table and end tables we "inherited", projects I've started and have found no time to finish. I accidentally dropped a pack of tissues on the floor last week and for some reason haven't had the energy or found the time to pick them up... pathetic right?

I'm in need of a mental health day week. I need to re-motivate myself. I need to feel rejuvenated. That unfortunately doesn't look like it's going to happen any time soon. I know I should just pick myself up, dust myself off and get over it, but I gave that a try and I failed. So until someone surprises me with vacation, pity party it is.

we're getting there... maybe?

This weekend has been much like every other weekend, the hubby and I running around like crazy, trying to accomplish a million mile long to do list and coming close to completing it while completely exhausting ourselves. The hubs has become a lot like me over the years (for this I feel horrible), making lists and feeling slightly worthless if he finds himself sitting still and relaxing for a few minutes - poor guy.

We are constantly having to remind ourselves that it's the weekend and that we need some down time so we're not sleeping through work the whole next week!

To do lists aside, the hubs and I had some time at dinner to discuss some things; things that I've always felt like he just wasn't ready to discuss seriously. Last night was different. He was actually open to discussing children, joking (about having kids in our late 30's) aside. We discussed our "timeline", the number of kids we want, other things we want to accomplish, places we want to travel, etc. etc. He even mentioned wanting to start a savings account for our little ones. This is certainly progress! I know that he's worried/scared about having kids, and I know that he thinks that life as he knows it will end once a baby comes along, but I think he's finally starting to realize the time constraints that women are under (though he does make it a point to mention that more and more women are having children later in life). A few years ago before we were married, I mentioned that I wanted to have a baby when I was 27, or shortly after turning 28. At that point, those years seemed far off. Not so much anymore. With the hubs recently turning 27 and my birthday coming in a few short months, he's starting to realize that time is kind of flying by... I think he's also starting to take notice of the number of friends who are either pregnant or just had a baby and, not that we have to keep up with the Jones's, realizing that our time is coming soon and that these discussions that I keep trying to have with him, are discussions that we really need to start having.

I think we might be getting there. I think we're making progress, and I'm thrilled.

Time to cross the last items off of our to-do list... shred, then...

... if only I was on the beach. Enjoy your Sunday night everyone!

uhhh....?

Dear Lady Gaga,
You are one hot mess but for some reason I can't look away. Looking forward to your concert in February.

Love,
a girl and a pearl.

What in the world does one wear to a Lady Gaga concert? Anyone been? What can I expect?

instant gratification.

I'm really not good at playing the waiting game. I like instant gratification, instant results. Today will mark Day 6 of 30-Day Shred. We've been doing Level 2 from Day 2 and I'm not sure we'll make it to Level 3 in this 30-Days of Shred (perhaps the next...) but Level 2 is difficult enough, especially after a 2 mile run. Now I know that Jillian says you only need 20 hardcore minutes of her workout a day to see results at the end of 30 days, but I'm not convinced. Even after a 2 mile run and 20 minutes of shredding, this morning of Day 6 I see no results... as far as the scale is concerned. I've been watching what I'm eating, though I haven't been as strict as I was before my wedding... I think I need a friend or relative to get engaged so that I have a goal to work towards... I've lost maybe 2lbs but that could be attributed to other things, if you catch my drift... I'm not going to give up, I'm going to make it through the 30 days, but it may be time for a reevaluation at that point... something's gotta give!

jillian says I'm on my way to being shredded.

I sure hope she's right! Day 1 of "30 Day Shred" took place yesterday. I'm feeling minimal pain in my legs after numerous squats but that's about it. Her program is totally doable and I'm hoping to bump it up to Level 2 shortly. After poking fun at the background music and saying "Oh, this ought to be good", I convinced the hubs to participate and let me tell you, 25 minutes later, sweat was rolling off his face! He didn't say another word...

I haven't jumped back on the WW (weight watchers) bandwagon quite yet... I'm going to get through this weekend of birthday celebrations first and then start hardcore, so I'm hoping that Jillian is right when she says that all you need is 20-25 minutes a day of her workout and not much else... Somehow I find this hard to believe but she seems to have been able to work miracles for plenty of people who were much much much worse off than I am.

Day 1, Level 1: complete
Day 2, Level 1: bring it on!

UPDATE: Day 2, LEVEL 2: complete.... much harder than level 1. Really feeling it this morning, but it feels good! Lost 1 lb... but that doesn't necessarily mean Jillian is a genius... yet.

sap-tastic!

I'm feeling a little sappy today. Maybe it's because I'm in a good mood because it's Friday or maybe because I'm emotional due to a certain visitor (sorry... TMI). Anyway, I wanted to thank all of you bloggers out there who I've discovered and who I continue to discover everyday. Your blogs have truly offered and provided me with an abundance of information, suggestions, inspirations and advice, some laughs and some tears and I'm grateful to have found all of you! I really enjoy reading all of your blogs and though I may not comment on everything you post, be certain that I'm reading each any every one! Life is certainly a journey that we're all on together and it's nice to know there will always been a community of women in the "cloud" who simply get it. I may only have 9 followers at the moment, but it means a lot that you read and comment on things I post. So,
 

to all you bloggers out there for keeping me informed and entertained!